If you’re a man who likes to feel respected and powerful then you need to take an honest look at what you’re wearing. Are you wearing too many pastels, too many soft textures, perhaps silk?
Ditch the satin, silk, and velvet, the lavender, salmon, and eggplant colors and opt for these new wardrobe staples, items that will make you ooze power.
Flannel has protected the bodies of lumberjacks for years and in the 90’s it was the go-to outfit of the grunge scene. Flannel represent security and warmth. Throwing on a flannel jacket feels like being wrapped in a grizzly bear’s arms or being gently tucked into a warm nook of God’s beard. In survival situations, it can be used start fires. Pair this with a fully unbuttoned Henley and ladies might mistake you for Ryan Gosling.
This timeless musk is a blend of moonshine, sawdust, and HGH. When applied to the body you’ll find yourself splitting logs, assisting with barn raisings, and challenging other males to arm wrestling. And even after all that activity, you’ll still smell fresh. Fresh enough to take your lady friend to a fancy dinner at a steakhouse. The ones where you can throw your peanut shells on the floor.
It doesn’t matter what or where it touches. Wearing the flesh of another animal makes men feel alpha strong. Like we can crush a tall boy between our body crevices. It’s not just the leather itself, it’s the smell of the tanning oil which is widely known to boost testosterone.
Options abound for men to spruce up their look with shark’s teeth–inlaid belts, rings, necklaces, and discreet piercings. A sharks tooth projects primal power and lucky for you they’re easy to find. Just take a quick stroll down the aisles at any gas station in the Gulf states and you’ll find them. A man who wears sharks teeth or any other variant of a bone necklace is likely to live in a houseboat, own a drum set, and start bar fights. All good things.
Boots, briefcases, and belts, snakeskin is a resilient and elegant epidermis. Wearing this and other exotic reptile skins are sure to create intrigue. People wonder are you a wealthy rancher, a lawman, a pimp? Probably not, and maybe so. That’s the kind of allure guys who wear snakeskin are going for.
Bruce Springsteen wore one of these and that should be enough to justify their existence in your wardrobe. But, if you require more convincing just look at the history. Levis Strauss designed the original denim jacket for use by miners braving the rugged and inhospitable underground and it’s still worn by cowboys as armor to protect from steering accidents. If it’s good enough for miners and cowboys and good enough for the Boss it’ll serve the needs of any other average man.
It’s the metal of kings. And for this reason, gold captures the affections of men. What man doesn’t want to be master of his domain? None. Also, the more gold a man wears the more mass he’s able to build. This explains why Mr. T was a beast of a man. Throw on a gold braided necklace and you’re sure to add 5 pounds of muscle mass and increase your bench by twenty pounds. A man wearing gold is also sure to be wearing our next piece of power clothing.
You don’t have to be a wife beater to wear these, that’s just a lasting stigma of a time gone by. Wife beaters are the best method by far for holding in all that muscle and/or gut. And if you give a man a wife beater you’ll have to allow for the next item.
Seldom is a wife beater seen without a man and a beer. The reason for the pairing is obvious. Men who wear wife beaters and gold chains have uncontrolled drinking habits. You can tell they’re alcoholics by the giant Rorschach beer stains that mark their beaters making them look like drunk Dalmatians.
A Wince or Grimace
It’s not that man wincing or grimacing is angry. If men are to be taken seriously by other men we can’t go around grinning from ear to ear, it just looks weird. A grimace is the best way to keep other males on their heels. Depending on the man’s age and disposition it may also be that he is just trying to manage chronic pain. A grimace is a great way to keep those nagging little ailments in check and to keep from crying.
Also published on Medium.