Why The Bachelor Is Like The Movie Highlander

8 pm Monday night for the next 9 weeks I will experience torture. I will watch 30 huntresses fight for the affection of a solitary male.

Is this a scene from National Geographic’s Dangerous Encounters? No. The show I am referring to is ABC’s The Bachelor.

To provide a simple description, that a man can relate to, it is like watching the movie Highlander. If the setting for Highlander was a sorority house.

In Highlander, the protagonist is on a quest for ultimate power and immortality. To achieve this he must slay his enemies on the field of battle. He must end his opponents thus fulfilling the prophecy of the show that, “There can be only one.”

The Bachelor is similar. The 30 women must fight with all their energy for the ultimate prize. Nick’s hand in wedded bliss.

But, this prize does not come without challenge and hardship. It will not be easy for these women. To emerge the victor requires calculated strategy and careful alliances.

Alliances will give the girls an advantage the first few weeks, but as the week’s progress, they will fracture.

The girls find out that alliances provide temporary safety. Safety is a warm, comfy blanket providing false security, an illusion. The blanket appears soft and inviting at first. But later, they will find the blanket to be made of cold poisonous she-snakes. Many will fall to the venom of the adder they once called a friend.

In the end, one will remain. Battered and bruised she will still stand tall to lay claim to Nick and achieve mortality. Ok, not the immortality part, but continuing on with the whole Highlander thing.

It is a sad shameful victory. Decency is put on the altar of the rose gods.

Ok, if I made it sounds glamorous it’s not. It’s trashy. I can’t help but think every time I watch, “Where are these girl’s fathers?” And if they watch this show, they have to be thinking, “I raised my daughter to be better than this.”

In watching this week’s episode I found my heart going out to Corrine’s Dad… and nanny. That’s right she is 23 years old and still has a nanny. Poor Corrine’s dad, he made all the necessary sacrifices to set his little girl on the right footing in life. How is he repaid? By having to watch his daughter bare her goods from behind a musty trench coat. This is one example of the lack of dignity many of these girls bring to the public eye.

These girls have to know they are selling themselves short. Most seem to have received a┬ádecent education and project at least an average level of intelligence. This is evident in looking at their “careers.” Here is a sampling of some of those “careers”:
a fishing enthusiast, twin, dolphin trainer, Jumbotron operator, free spirit, and manscaper.

Ok, let’s get honest, these are jobs, not careers. Any girl with 2 arms and a heartbeat could do them. And since we are being honest, do any of these jobs scream intellect to you?

If I were Nick, I would think twice about marriage and procreation. What a genetic mess that would be. Regardless, Nick will have to make a choice. After all, what is a king without his queen?

Every time I watch the Bachelor it makes me pray. I bow my head many times over the course of one show getting in some God time. My earnest prayers go something like, “Please help me to be a good father to my daughter, don’t let her grow up into one of these girls. I am not perfect but I would have to be a failure if this was in the cards. Please don’t make her be a part of a skanky Highlander reenactment. Thank you, I will be back on the commercial break. Oh and please make this garbage go away.”

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