The Christmas Pimp

Things aren’t as they appear, there’s a poser in our midst. He feeds children the lie that he’s a jolly old soul but parents know him for what he really is, a matchstick man, a liar, a master manipulator, and exploiter. That’s right, I’m talking about “Saint Nick.” Oh, Santa wants you to believe that […]

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RIP Friendsgiving

Friendsgiving, it feels like a long time ago now, a time far removed and distant. Possibly a different life altogether. Because it was. It was a life before responsibility, a life without kids. Maybe you’re uninitiated, Friendsgiving is a pre-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving for singles, those committed, and the newly married (i.e. peoples with no kids). They get […]

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7 Historical Names for Your Boy That Work Better Than Making One Up

Simple is supreme when it comes to naming children. But the sad reality is we live in a society that craves hyper-individualism. Parents engineer all sorts of abominations to make their child stand out resulting in atrocities like Cherry-Blues and Rock-Sixxs. Little thought is given beyond ensuring the child’s name showboats on classroom roll calls […]

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Neighbor Poop

To The Neighbor Letting His Dog Poop In My Yard: Thanks for Plopping By

Poop In The Yard I found dog poop in the concrete gutter skirting my side yard, a present from the butthole of my neighbor’s Golden Retriever. This is not Trixie’s preferred spot for doing her business. No, that’s nearer the interior of my yard. Gutter poop happens when my neighbor, upon sensing detection, attempts to […]

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